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Battered Men - The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence

Help for Battered Men

What You Can Do About It

Note: If you have been the victim of domestic violence, please e-mail me and tell me about it. What happened? Did you tell anyone about it? Why or why not? Did you seek help? Why or why not? If you did seek help, did you get it? May we publish your story here? We'll do it anonymously, unless you give specific permission to use your name and/or e-mail address.

Know a man who may be battered? Print out this page and give it to him. Often, it'll be enough to get him to talk to you about it -- if not right away, perhaps in a bit. And talking to another man about it is the first step in healing -- in survival.
Remember: TV star and comedian Phil Hartman never talked about his marital problems, either, except to joke about having to leave the house when his wife was mad. He told everyone the marriage was wonderful -- as so many men do.

Find out more about battered men


What if you’ve been battered? Don’t brush it off or ignore it. Talk about it. Tell someone. Realize that you’re not the only one—a lot of other men are in the same boat! Check out the resources listed below.

Check out Washington’s Domestic Violence Hotline Web page. Ignore the articles about “Information for an Abused Woman” and “Emotional Reactions of Abused Women”—they’ll just make you mad. Their other information, “Am I a Victim” and “Your Personal Safety Plan” works for men as well as women.

Read the "warning signs" on Washington State's Domestic Violence page. (Ignore the sexist references like "his" using espionage tactics on "her" -- it cuts both ways. Ignore, too the comments about "exerting power and control through custody issues" as only involving kidnapping kids or holding them hostage -- false allegations of child abuse and domestic violence are frequent strategies of woman batterers.) Read Erin Pizzey's article Working With Violent Women about "family tyrants." Does the term "family tyrant" resonate with you? Then you need to read this article!

Read our selection of men's personal stories about it. You aren't the only one! Hearing other men's stories, and what they did about it, and what they wished they'd done about it, will help you figure out what to do.

Washington’s Domestic Violence Hotline Web page is at:

The Washington State Domestic Violence Hotline is:


They can direct you to a local shelter. Have a pencil and paper handy before you call, and take notes. The DSHS Program Manager says that the programs are, by law, to be gender-neutral and offer services to men as well as women.
If you find this not to be true, please e-mail me and tell me of your experience. Be sure to include the name and phone number of the shelter service you called, the date(s) and time(s), the person(s) you spoke to, and what they said.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is:
The woman I spoke to there suggested I have men call that line if they are victims of domestic violence. She says that most DV shelters serve men as well as women.If you find this not to be true, please e-mail me and tell me of your experience.

Check out the Washington and national resources that help battered men.

Washington resources

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Resourses elswehere in the U.S., Canada and around the world

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On-line resources

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Click here for books on battered men.

Click here for books

Click here to return to MenWeb's Battered Men page

Click here for Battered Men

Click here to go to MenWeb's Dating Violence Men page

Click here for Dating Violence page
S.A.F.E. logo

S.A.F.E. ( concentrates on domestic violence against straight men, gay men, and lesbian women, because few services exist for these groups. Personal stories, a comprehensive listing of Web resources and books, info on local shelters and groups that help battered men or offer services for abusive women, suggestions on how you can make a difference in the lives of people affected by abuse. E-mail list and Bulletin Board.

Links to other info on the Web
Including media coverage of the topic
ABC News Special ReportMetro: Silicon Valley WeeklyNovaNewsNetUK Channel 4 logoMother Jones November/December 1994 cover


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