In November of 1989 I attended my last meeting of Delta which is an anger management program for abusive men modeled after the Duluth Model. It was also the last that I saw my children for three months. I went to the west to work in the oil field hoping to stablize my family financially and win back my wife's heart.
In the mirror program called Renaissance, which my wife attended, she was told that I was the root problem of her dysfunction, the root problem of my dysfunction and the root problem of our marriage. As this caused me a considerable amount of grief, I shared it with the group. The facilitator told me, "She's most likely right."
I wanted to die!
It wasn't relevent that she has assaulted six men.
It wasn't relevent that two were severe. In her words, "I beat the shit out of them."
It wasn't relevent that she continually verbally abused the children.
It wasn't relevent that she used me as a weapon to disipline the children.
It wasn't relevent that she was alienated from her father as a child.
It wasn't relevent that her mother was a drunk and a whore.
It wasn't relevent that her father fought for custody and lost.
It wasn't relevent that she was raised by her Aunt.
It wasn't relevent that when intorducted to her Aunt for the first time she said to me, "This is my real mother."
It was relevent that I was male.
It was relevent that I was oppressing her.
It was relevent that I was a controller.
It was relevent that I was a lousy father.
It was relevent that I was a lousy husband.
It was relevent that I was raised in a violent family.
It was relevent that I lived in a patriarchy.
It was relevent that a patriarch requires violence or the threat of violence to maintain itself.
For the four days it took to drive out west I contemplated taking my own life. I had everything I owned in the back of my truck. Hitting a tree head on would have freed my wife and children of the bastard that I was and left no trace of my miserable life.
Anger management for men is such bullshit.