MenWeb logoMenWeb

Battered Men - The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence
Batterer Treatment Programs

The Faulty Duluth Model

Anger Management for Men is Such Bullshit

Duluth Model Made Me Suicidal

© 2001 by Bert H. Hoff
in trust for the man anonymnously contributing this story


In November of 1989 I attended my last meeting of Delta which is an anger management program for abusive men modeled after the Duluth Model. It was also the last that I saw my children for three months. I went to the west to work in the oil field hoping to stablize my family financially and win back my wife's heart.

In the mirror program called Renaissance, which my wife attended, she was told that I was the root problem of her dysfunction, the root problem of my dysfunction and the root problem of our marriage. As this caused me a considerable amount of grief, I shared it with the group. The facilitator told me, "She's most likely right."

I wanted to die!

It wasn't relevent that she has assaulted six men.

It wasn't relevent that two were severe. In her words, "I beat the shit out of them."

It wasn't relevent that she continually verbally abused the children.

It wasn't relevent that she used me as a weapon to disipline the children.

It wasn't relevent that she was alienated from her father as a child.

It wasn't relevent that her mother was a drunk and a whore.

It wasn't relevent that her father fought for custody and lost.

It wasn't relevent that she was raised by her Aunt.

It wasn't relevent that when intorducted to her Aunt for the first time she said to me, "This is my real mother."

It was relevent that I was male.

It was relevent that I was oppressing her.

It was relevent that I was a controller.

It was relevent that I was a lousy father.

It was relevent that I was a lousy husband.

It was relevent that I was raised in a violent family.

It was relevent that I lived in a patriarchy.

It was relevent that a patriarch requires violence or the threat of violence to maintain itself.

For the four days it took to drive out west I contemplated taking my own life. I had everything I owned in the back of my truck. Hitting a tree head on would have freed my wife and children of the bastard that I was and left no trace of my miserable life.

Anger management for men is such bullshit.


  What's Wrong with the Duluth Model?
     Blame and shame, not help. Ideology, not science. Ignores drinking, drugs, pathology, violence by women. One cause, one solution. Taught by "wounded healers." Gender-polarizing-perpetrates the "battle of the sexes"
  A Gender-Neutral Duluth Model
     For female perpetrators - a different "Duluth Model."
  Duluth Model Successfully Challenged
     Programs gets North Carolina regulation mandating Duluth Model set aside
  It's About Male Oppression of women
     preaches the "Duluth Model."
  Domestic Violations
     Cathy Young. Where there's mutual violence, joint counseling offers the best solution. But it's not allowed.
  Why Women Batter
     "He wasn't sensitive to my needs." "He wasn't listening."

Click here for books on battered men.

Click here for books

Click here to return to MenWeb's Battered Men page

Click here for Battered Men

Click here to go to MenWeb's Dating Violence Men page

Click here for Dating Violence page

Help us help men
Every $20 helps!

Articles | Men's Stories | Poetry | What's here? | What's New? | Home Page | Search MenWeb | E-mail MenWeb

Mt. Fury, by Ian HendersonIan Henderson's mountain art stimulates the eye-magination and his music calms the soul

Press the "Back" button on your browser to return